100 Challenges
by Sazuka-Chan
Summary: 100 challenge, Laven style! Changed to T 'cause i'm lazy. Ch.8: A sucky poem for a sucky chapter topic. feel free to skip this chapter. XD;; -shot-
1. Introduction

**100 Challenge**

_Hello All, it's Sazuka-chan again!! Back from the grave!!! I've been studying a bit on how to improve my writing, so hopefully this story will get lots of reviews!! I'd like that._

_Anyways, I got this idea from Dhampir72 (my favorite author), and I'll gonna do the 100 challenge; __fanfic style!!!_**LAVI AND ALLEN BEING A COUPLE!!!!**

_**NO FLAMING OR YOUR ARSE IS MINE!! **_(lolz just kidding, but still, no flaming sweeties.)

**Rated M, just in case. Lolz….^^;;**

**Disclaimer:** -Man is copywriter to Hoshino Katsura. I own nothing.

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_**Chapter 1: Introduction**_

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My memories are blurry of that time, but is discreetly remember there being snow. Well, not so much snow, but cherry blossoms were falling from the sky. I gripped onto Mana's hand tightly as we walked through the placid streets. There were two other people out there. A small boy about my age walking besides a man older than my father.

Mana pulled us to a stop in front of the other two and he whispered into my ear, "Allen, go introduce yourself to the boy."

I remember clinging to his arm, too shy to approach the other boy. I heard the two adults talking about work related topics - they apparently planned to meet in that spot for a meeting. The elder man had been kinda enough to bring along his grandson so I wouldn't be bored.

I stood by my father side, watching the cherry blossoms fall as they talked. "Hello" chimed a unfamiliar voice. I turned and saw the boy that came with the man. "What's your name?"

His eyes glistened with kindness that gave me the courage to speak to him. "Allen Walker," I responded. When I think about them now, I can't help but notice something about that boy's eyes that I was too young to understand then. They were a beautiful shade of green. I think back to that foggy memory just so I call recall the sheer beauty of them.

"Nice to meet you Allen. My name is-" but I can't remember his name. and that's what really bothers me.

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"Allen-Kun, are you doing anything this weekend?" a friendly female voice asked. I turned t her, my kindest smile plastered on my face.

"Sorry, Lenalee, but I have to go out of town again." Lenalee Lee was a beautiful girl in my high school class. She was really my only "friend", since I preferred to sit alone an read.

"Oh," the hopefulness in her voice was suddenly gone, "I see. You sure go out of town a lot, don't you Allen-Kun?"

I nodded, though I didn't particularly feel like continuing this lie. "That's right. I have family that lives quite a ways away from here."

Lenalee tapped a pebble with her foot and she watched it with a almost sad expression. "We've never really hung-out out side of school, you know…"

_There's good reasons for that_, I thought dryly to myself. I shrug and almost as if it was summoned by God himself, the bus appeared at the stop. I waved and quickly ran to it, feeling a sense of satisfaction and guilt both at the same time as I enter the air-conditioned vehicle.

The reasons behind me making up a lie to Lenalee was because I knew she liked me. And the feeling wasn't mutual. Lenalee was the most loyal friend in the world, and that's what I wanted her as. I didn't want her as a girlfriend or a lover, I wanted her as someone that I could be happy around and joke with, like a sibling. Yes, I thought of her as my little sister.

Besides, I'm gay.

The bus ride was uncomfortable. It was crowded again and smelled like sweat. City transport disgusted me, but it was the only way to get close to my house. Sure I could walk home, but what would take three hours takes only twenty minutes by bus. You do the math.

The buss stopped and a couple rows of people got up - including myself - and exited the bus. Everyone seemed to give off their own sigh of releif after taking in a breath of fresh air. It almost made me laugh, since it was in unison, too. But I didn't. I swung my heavy backpack over my shoulder and trudged down the road. My house was in site and my father's black beamer sat stationary in the drive way. Like it always did.

My schedule after school was always the same: walk into the empty house, yell out a greeting to no one, feed my self, do homework, shower, then a random activity if I had time for it.

Though, the beamer was my father's, it was mine under the state of law. It said so in Mana's will. Six years ago, my father and I were in a car accident. Mana was instantly killed while I suffered from third degree burns up my entire left arm; the eerie red color it turned was enough to disgust even myself, so wore gloves. I had a bumpy scar across my left eye that was a tad pinker then the rest of my skin.

After the accident I couldn't recall my child hood. I didn't remember until a year or so ago about when my uncle died or how I met my guardian, Cross Marian. But, most memories never came back. The one I always had was about that day when I played with one of Mana's partner's grandson. I never forgot that, though I can't remember certain details about it, like the boys name. I remember he was my closets friend though, up until the accident.

- - - - - - - -

"**Don't worry, we wont be gone long, Allen," the red head encouraged with a kind smile.**

"**But how am I supposed to keep in touch with you if you're **_**all over**_** the place?" I asked, my hands gripping my hip in irritation.**

**My friend chuckled at my annoyance. I made a mental note to kick him he next time I got him alone (his grandfather and Mana were talking to each other again.).**

"**Didn't I **_**just**_** say **_**not**_** to worry about that? I make sure I keep in touch. I'll write **_**you**_** letters and call **_**you**_** whenever I have access to a phone, okay? You wont be able to reach me, so leave all the work to me!" He pounded his chest with his fist in a gesture or encouragement. "I promise I'll keep you posted, okay?"**

**I crossed my arms and sighed in defeat. "Fine, you win," I agreed reluctantly.**

"**Good, good." We sat there, in the back yard of my house and watched the wind chime blow in the wind. We had no reason for doing so, it just seemed like a reason to sit in the other's company.**

"**Hey, Allen, you'll miss me when I'm away, right? You better 'cause I'm going to miss you," he almost laughed his response as he ruffled my hair.**

**I laughed a little then nodded with a smile on my face. "Of course I will. I always miss you when you go on these trips-"**

**- - - - - - - - -**

The sound of my alarm awoke from my peaceful slumber, so I smacked it across the room as I got out of bed. Just like every other day, I made my way to the bathroom for a shower to wake me up.

In about five minutes, the room was steamy and I was letting the water drip down my body in almost a trance. Every muscle in my body relaxed and I felt calm, unlike I knew that I would at school. It only seemed like a few minutes had passed in my dream land, but in reality, I knew I stood there for quite a while. I reluctantly washed my hair and sang a few lines of a song I knew on the radio.

Of course, when I was finally awake, dressed and looking for my missing clock, I found it in the corner of my room. That wasn't the problem though. It was broken beyond repair; the third alarm clock I broke that month. With a sigh I tossed it in the garbage can and walked to the door.

I never really ate in the morning since it took so long to get to school - or, at least it did because it took so long for me to take a shower. Timcampy - my pet that was an animal I've never seen before in my life - flapped his golden wings happily and landed on my head.

Cross Marian - my legal guardian after Mana's death - would disappear for a long period of time. Though, I never had to pay the bills (I bet Cross did with out telling me), I had a job in order to supply myself with food. Cross may have been paying the bills for me, but paying for the _amount_ of food I buy in one trip was stepping over the line. To sum it up, I had a _big_ appetite.

"Good morning, Tim," I greeted and stroked his tiny head. He patted my head with his wings as a response.

I stopped as I was about to put my shoes on. I looked around the room from where I was standing. Everything looked normal, but something felt off and it made me uneasy. Suddenly, there was a loud, frantic, pounding on my front door.

I jumped and tried to calm my racing heart enough to speak. I hadn't expected that at all. "Coming!"

I opened the door and the person at my door launched themselves at me, knocking us to the ground. The person wrapped their arms around me and squeezed tightly as I tried to get the air back in my lungs.

"Allen!! You're okay, right?! I'm so sorry I wasn't here when I happened!! We were gone longer than we expected - well, that's a bit of an understatement since we got stranded somewhere in Africa for a _long_ time - but I should've called!! There were no phones there, but I could've done _something_!! I wanted to see you so bad Allen, please remember that!! I'm so sorry I wasn't here to be with you after the accident!!"

I blinked, slightly stunned by the person's outburst. They knew me and they knew about Mana, but I couldn't remember them. Their voice sounded familiar, but I couldn't place the face. I pushed them off me enough so I could see their face and that's when it hit me. I couldn't remember his name still, but I recognized his beautiful green eyes - or eye since one was cover in an eye patch - as the boy from my memory.

He must've noticed the confusion on my face because his dropped a little as he said, "That's right. The doctor said in the message you forgot you memories. So, does that mean you've forgotten about me?"

"Um," I shook my head, "I recognize you, but…I don't know you."

The man smiled, though in his one eye I saw a tint of sadness. "Nothing at all?"

"I only remember meeting you. There was cherry blossoms, Mana, and your grandfather. I only recognize your face from that memory."

He ruffled my hair affectionately. "My name is Lavi. Lavi Bookman."

"Lavi…" it felt good saying his name. It made me feel…happy.

"Yes, that's me. We were childhood best friends."

Lavi stood up and offered me his hand. I took it and felt a strange shock radiate through me entire body. The sensation threw me off; it was something I've never felt since the accident, but it felt so familiar at the same time. Lavi felt it too because he paused for a bit before releasing my hand.

"I'm sorry I was gone so long, Allen," Lavi apologized.

I only remembered that he left on a trip from a dream the night before, so I only vaguely knew what he was talking about. "How long have you been gone?"

Lavi scratched the back of his neck and looked at the ground. "We've been touring the world for about seven years now…"

I blinked. Seven years was a long time to be gone. "Why so long?" I couldn't imagine being away from home for _seven_ years in strange place I didn't know anything about. Lavi was a very strange person, that much was for sure.

"Well, like I said, we got stuck somewhere in Africa for a couple of years, so that set us back a _whole_ lot…" Lavi stated then quieted down. His face fell and he looked so lost. I wanted to hold him, to make him feel better. "Our trip's over now, tough."

"Do you wish it wasn't?" I asked.

Lavi shook his head. "No, I just….wish Gramps hadn't died during it…"

I froze. Poor Lavi had lost his grandfather as they were traveling the world together. Not only that, but when Lavi first got here, he was upset about Mana and I getting stuck in the accident. He had so many things to be upset about…for any one person, one bad thing is all they can really take. Lavi had to suffer through two bad things.

"I'm so sorry, Lavi…" I said softly. I raised my burned left hand - without even realizing it - and cupped Lavi's cheek with it. Lavi took my hand in his and held it tenderly.

"It's not your fault, Allen, so why are you apologizing?" he asked.

I shrugged. "For the same reason you did." Lavi smiled down at me, the sadness still in his eyes.

"I figured as much."

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I skipped school that day and stayed with Lavi. I couldn't remember much about him, but instinct was leading my every answer. I commented things about him that I didn't consciously know. I could tell that we were both confused by that, but Lavi eventually understood why that was happening. We watched TV, talked a bit. We played cards, ordered pizza, and tormented Timcampy as we had a blast. I didn't realize how much I missed Lavi, mainly because I didn't know that he was gone. Though, I had always felt like something in my life was missing.

Eventually, conversation led to talking about our injuries. Lavi went first, saying that it was damaged when he took a good fall down a hill in the jungle. The doctor in the closest city had to remove it and he could've gotten a glass eye, but decided against it. I, on the other hand, wasn't to willing the reveal my arm to him.

I easily talked about how a chunk of debrief sliced open my forehead, giving it the strange scar, and I even told Lavi about the burn. What I refused to do though, was show him.

"Please, just one look?" Lavi asked, giving me the puppy dog eyes. Being friends with Lenalee, I was immune to such things, much to Lavi's disappointment. Of course, that boy had an iron will when it came to things he wanted to know. He always expected people to tell him their secrets, and they always did. But, I defied his law.

He moved behind me to start rubbing my shoulders, gently but firmly. "You seem to be under a lot of stress lately," Lavi said calmly.

"No. Not really." Lavi seemed to be taken back for a moment, but he quickly bounced back.

"Well, stressed or not, you've got knots _all over_ your body."

"I feel asleep onto of my homework last night." It was the truth too, so I raised my eyebrow at Lavi when he seemed to be doubting me. "You don't be believe me?"

Lavi paused his massaging for a moment, then went back. "Sure I do."

"Liar," I said calmly, most of my attention on the TV.

A sudden squeeze to my left shoulder made me yelp in pain. Lavi's fingers were really bony and he squeezed _hard_! "Are you really in any position to be calling me names? Hmm?" I could almost feel that evilly satisfied smirk of his face as he went back to his rubbing. That boy was very evil, that was for sure.

"That hurt, Lavi!"

"It doesn't anymore, now does it? So don't complain."

"Totally not my point, but never mind. It seems to be useless trying to get my point across to you." I moved and leaned up against the couch so Lavi wouldn't be able to touch my neck any more, and I would be free to insult him all I wanted. Of course, though, he moved next to me and had his arm resting on the cushions behind my head.

"Will you let me see it?" Lavi kept his gaze on the TV as well as me.

"Someday."

"You know you can trust me, right?"

I smiled softly and my gaze fell to my lap. "I may not have many memories, but I do know that much." Lavi looked over at me, but I kept my gaze where it was. I knew I could trust Lavi, but what I didn't trust was myself. I didn't need to see that arm more than I needed to, since it disgusted me.

Lavi's arm moved around my neck and he pulled so that my head was leaning on his shoulder. "Hey, don't worry Allen. The past is the past and the only thing to do is move on and think about the future. Okay?" He looked down and smile sweetly at me, making my face heat up.

My heart was beating rapidly and my face was burning. I didn't understand why I was feeling this towards Lavi; _Lavi_ of all people!

"Hey, Lavi," I started, grabbing Lavi's attention when I paused. I was unsure of myself. I didn't really think it was a big deal, but I didn't know if it was okay to ask a question such as the one I was keeping to myself to Lavi. The _me_ now isn't the _me_ he knew then.

"Yes?" he replied, trying to get me to talk again.

I kept my gaze on my lap as I played with the hem of my shirt. My palms were sweaty, my heart still beating fast, and it seemed so very hard to breath with mine and Lavi's sides touching. But, for whatever reason I found at that moment, I asked the question.

"Lavi, before you left, what was I to you?" I felt the confused look on my face as I chanced a short look up at Lavi. He was confused, slightly, but he seemed to be more curiously shocked.

It was a while before he spoke again, but his answer didn't shock me. "You were my closest friend," his next answer shocked me though. "And you were the one I loved most."

I felt my face flush and I swallowed to try and calm my racing heart. "And did I have the same feelings for you?" I asked, though I kind of didn't want an answer.

He shrugged and smiled sadly. "I told you that you loved me, but that was right before I left. I purposly didn't give you time to respond because I didn't want to be rejected."

"Why are you telling me now?"

Another shrug. "You couldn't possibly remember the feelings you did have, whether they were the same as mine or not. So, I guess I'm telling you because I know I'll never know."

I looked at Lavi's face as he seemed to drift off into a daydream. He was very handsome, that was for sure, and he had feelings for me. I didn't remember the day that he confessed his feelings to me, but there was one thing I did know: I still remembered the way I felt about him.

"That's not true…"

Lavi snapped out of his day dream and looked at me. "Huh?"

"I said that's not true."

"What's not true?" I found it slightly annoying and attractive at the same time that he could even remember what _he_ said.

"Just because my memories are gone, doesn't mean I don't remember the feelings I've had all my life. That has nothing to do with my brain. My heart remembers them," I replied. I wasn't very happy that Lavi was being a coward about being turned down, but I also wasn't happy because he was using my amnesia as an excuse either. "And, I remember that I tried to tell you how I feel before you left, but you got on the plane to avoid me."

Lavi's face fell into a guilty frown. I had remembered a tiny bit now. I remember chasing after Lavi, trying to tell him but he only glanced over his shoulder before hurrying onboard.

"I wanted to tell you that I love you, Lavi. I still do, I can tell. The heart doesn't lie."

Lavi looked at me. Shocked and utterly speechless, he reached out and cupped my cheek with his right hand. "You really mean that?" he asked.

I smiled up at him and place my left hand over his right. "Yeah," I replied.

Lavi leaned down slowly and paused when our lips were hovering in front of each other. "I love you, Allen," he whispered.

"I love you, too," I replied back.

And with that, our lips met in our first and defiantly not last kiss. I will always remember that day, too. The one I love most gave me the best gift in the world without even realizing it. He gave me the gift of a memory that I would forever cherish with my entire being: the day Lavi introduced himself to me.

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Okay, so this chapter was kind of FAIL on my behalf…….I promise chapter 2 will be better!! XD

**Chapter 2:** well, I forgot what I wrote, so you'll just have to wait until I type it up, 'kay? ^-^;;

**Reviews would be nice and CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM I WANTED!!! =D**


	2. Love

**Okay everybody, chapter 2 for you!!**

**Chapter summary: **Allen has been avoiding Lavi for two weeks now. Lavi's his best friends, but his thoughts towards him a very _unfriendly_. And now, Lavi's got a new girlfriend to make things on Allen even harder. How long will he last for when Lenalee is plotting to get her two friends back on speaking terms?

**Chapter content:** boys kissing

**Chapter rating:** T (because I OWN like that. XD lolz)

**Disclaimer:** ©-Man characters to Hoshino Katsura

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**Chapter 2: Love**

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I couldn't look at him anymore, I couldn't talk to him. What was once the most important thing to me, I now avoided like the plague. I was mostly ashamed of myself. We were both the same gender, so I wasn't supposed to have feelings for him, but no matter how hard I tried - even if I hadn't seem him in days - Lavi Bookman was always on my mind.

I knew I was hurting him by ignoring him, but he hurt me, without even realizing it. Every time I looked at him, my heart would start to beat at a painfully fast speed. Then, when I saw him with his second girlfriend of the week, it recoiled painfully. It was almost as if someone had slapped me across the face.

I stopped hanging out with him; I stopped answering his calls. I didn't talk to him through messenger and I knew his schedule well enough to avoid him at school. I was trying to erase him from my life.

But _why_ was I doing that?

It seemed so childish, this game I was playing. Instead of talking about it, I buried it deep inside myself. Lenalee always scolded me for doing things like that. She would say, "Stop shouldering other people's problems and take care of your own!" I hadn't even realized I did that until she pointed it out, but I couldn't change myself.

Lenalee was such a kind person. I never noticed it, but she was the one who helped me whenever I was down. She always seemed to have an encouraging word hidden up her sleeve, just for me.

Of course, it was times like this that my brain would be on a totally different topic and then drift to Lavi. I would think about what it would feel like to run my fingers through his hair and how sexy he was with his shirt off…

Those thoughts always made me feel uncomfortable. Lavi was my best friend and I was having very _unfriendly_ thoughts about him. And what really confused me was that I was totally straight. I was kissed by a guy and I nearly puked. It was an experience I never wanted again unless I saw Lavi. Needless to say, it was a very confusing process.

Even as I flipped through the pages of my favorite book, Lavi kept my attention on him to the fullest. I couldn't even enjoy a book with out that obnoxious red head without a shirt on stealing my attention.

Why did I feel that was towards him?

"Allen-kun? Are you listening to me at all?" Lenalee's voice brought me back to reality.

I was at her house reading a book, since the TV show we were going to watch was a rerun. So, it became background noise as she did homework.

"Sorry. What were you saying?" I responded, guilty that was too engrossed with a certain someone to hear her.

"It's been two weeks now. When will this all be over?" she asked. I could hear that she was worried and slightly annoyed.

"When will what be over?"

"This game you're playing with Lavi. You know, you're breaking his heart." _Oh that…._ I thought to myself. I knew Lenalee wasn't happy with me, but she just didn't understand,

"It's not that easy, Lenalee. Besides, why would I be 'breaking his heart'?"

"You and Bookman are Lavi's world. He cares about you _a lot_, Allen," Lenalee explained, "how do you think he feels? He doesn't know what he did wrong."

_Great…..now I feel like crap…._ I thought to myself again. "I wouldn't expect him to…" I sad soft, "even I don't know."

It was quiet for a while. I stared at the TV without actually seeing it and Lenalee was looking at me, observing my expression. I should've given her more credit; she was very observant. She always noticed things about me that I didn't even realize.

"You like him, don't you, Allen?" she sounded so confident that it just clicked. Of course, that made sense. All the thoughts I was having about Lavi tied into having feelings about him. But, the way I truly felt could not be described by _liking_ him.

"No, not like. Love," I confessed softly. I felt so good and so natural to say it that I said it again. "I love Lavi."

There was a loud clap and I looked over at Lenalee. Her hands her on either said of her head and her face was buried in her knees.

"Lenalee, are you okay?" I was about to reach for her when she launched herself at me. "Lenalee?" I called out and I could feel her grip tighten at the sound of her name.

"Allen-kun…" Lenalee said affectionately. I felt my blood run cold. Was she angry at me for liking Lavi? Was she a homophobe? Or did she have feelings for me? I hoped it was the first or second one because I only saw her as a sister.

"Allen-kun, I'm so proud of you…" Huh?

"Uh, 'proud'?" I was so confused by that point.

"I had my haunch that you liked him for a long time now. I'm just so happy you've finally admitted it," she pulled away but kept her hands on my shoulders. "It seemed like you were hiding something, so I'm happy that you've finally told me. Is this why you wont talk to Lavi-kun?"

I nodded, a bit dumb folded about the whole situation. "Well, I can _usually_ be around Lavi - though it is hard. But, not with Lavi's new girlfriend around…"

"Girlfriend?"

I nodded. "Yeah. The crabby transfer student."

"You mean Kanda-kun?"

"Lenalee, isn't 'kun' usually meant for a guy? Isn't a bit rude to be calling a girl by that?"

"Kanda-kun's a _boy_, Allen."

It felt like a was slapped across the face again. Boy? Really? Kanda was an awfully pretty boy then… "So, Lavi's gay then?" somehow the thought of Lavi dating another guy didn't seem to make me feel better.

Lenalee shrugged. "If he is, he didn't tell me. That's something he'd tell you. Besides, he's not _dating_ Kanda-kun. They're childhood friends and Lavi enjoys annoying Kanda by hanging on him." I looked at the ground, confused and deep in thought. I was in love with Lavi, Lavi wasn't dating Kanda, Kanda was a boy… I learned a lot that day. Suddenly, I had a question.

"If Lavi's the only guy I've ever had feelings for, does that make me gay?" I didn't really care, but it was curiosity that drove me to ask it.

"Not necessarily," she answered, "it's just coincidence that the person you fell in love with happened to be a guy."

"Do you have anyone you like?" I asked.

Lenalee blushed and looked away quickly. She fiddled with her fingers and nervously flipped from one channel to the next.

"Lenalee…" I called out.

"There's nothing on. Want to go watch a movie at the theater?"

"Lenalee."

"I heard there was a really nice romance movie that was just released…"

Aw, _hell_ no was I going to another one of those. "Lenalee, answer me."

She paused and played with her hair before mumbling something incoherent. I gestured for her to speak up and she repeated, "Kanda-kun."

I was speechless. _She_ liked _him_? But he was so, so, _crabby_! But it kind of made sense. She was from China and he from Japan. Maybe that was it? …..Maybe?

"Um…sorry I called Kanda a girl," I apologized. I felt guilty about that now that I knew she liked him. Although, I didn't like him. every time I bumped into him he called me 'moyashi' which meant bean sprout in Japanese. The only thing that ever kept me from hitting him was that thought he was a girl, but it was all different now.

We were quiet for a while again. The TV was the only noise that could e heard for a long time. I was taking in everything I learned about myself and Lavi, even Kanda. Then, I realized something. Lenalee knew my reason behind avoiding Lavi; the same Lenalee that couldn't tell a lie for crap. Yeah, I was screwed at that point.

"Whatever you do, don't tell Lavi I like him, okay?" for the first time since I realized it, I regretted telling Lenalee about my feelings.

"I wont," Lenalee promised before sending a mysterious look my way, "but _you_ will." I had a bad feeling about what was going to happen.

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No matter how hard I tugged, I couldn't get free. Lenalee's hand were the equivalent to iron vices, and I knew she was planning something. She just had that air around her that yelled out "scheming!"

"Lenalee, where are you taking me?" I whined. My stomach was churning with unease and it was starting to get uncomfortable.

"My house!" she chirped as we turned down her street. When we got up to her house, she paused and turned to look at me. "Leave the house at any time and I'll tell Kanda you called him a girl." she may have sounded like an innocent angle, but I knew that threat was deadly. I could see it now: my body chopped up into tiny, bloody bits with Kanda at the top of the pile laughing like a maniac killer. Okay, Kanda doesn't laugh, but that's what popped into my head.

A weak nod was all I could offer, but she took it and opened the door. I froze immediately after I walked into the house. Lavi was sitting on the couch, reading a book, while Kanda sat at the table with Lenalee's brother Komui, getting annoyed by the brother's small talk.

"Ah, good you're -" Lavi froze mid sentence when he looked up and caught my eye. I would've felt the urge to run over and kiss him, but the look on his face made me forget all about my romantic interest towards him. His beautiful green eyes had lost the spark and were a spiraling pool of sadness and hurt. Just looking at the amount of pain I caused him (though I was amazed at said amount) I wanted to break out crying, I felt so guilty.

"Nii-san, Kanda-kun! Let's g for a walk!" Lenalee demanded as she turned to walk out the door. The other two followed and Lenalee shot me a thumbs up before shutting the door. I seriously thought about running out the door, but Lenalee's threat kept me in place.

"I haven't seen you around lately," Lavi said, trying to keep the mood as light as possible. "I've missed you, Allen."

"Lavi…" was I could think of to say.

The look on his face made my stomach twist in pain. I'd rather get rejected by him a hundred times before I would want a smile produced by fake happiness. He was just too good of a person to be unhappy. If he was going to smile, he should smile out of _true_ happiness.

I took off my shoes and walked over to the armchair in the corner of the room the couch was in.

"Would you tell me what I did wrong? I'll do anything to make things right between us again!" Lavi exclaimed. He sounded desperate, which didn't help me much. At least that ugly smile wasn't on his face anymore.

"It's not something you can really fix, per say…" I replied awkwardly," it's kind of a personal problem."

Lavi frowned at me. "You used to tell me everything. What changed?"

I scratched the back of my neck. Talking to him with out revealing my true feelings was proving to be difficult. "I guess that I changed in some ways…"

"Like what?"

Lavi was being pushy, so he was obviously getting frustrated with my answers. "Um….some…thing…?" I wanted to slap myself. I wasn't helping him at all, and I was angry at myself for being a coward. Why couldn't I just tell him?

Suddenly, Lavi was in my face, his arms on either side of me against the chair. I was trapped between Lavi's body - which was only inches away from mine - and a chair. I could feel my face burn up as I looked into his eyes. I just couldn't look away, no matter how much I wanted to.

"Why are you pushing me away?!" he asked angrily. I was speechless for a while, my mouth opening and closing like a mindless goldfish. I didn't know how to respond with out telling him. "Answer me, Allen!"

He was pressuring me, so I snapped. Without thinking, I yelled, "Because I'm afraid of rejection!"

"Rejection? From who?" Lavi asked, his tone at a more reasonable level.

"Of you…" I could feel my eyes starting to tear up. It was coming, that infamous hear breaking moment.

"Me? Why?"

"I love you…"

Lavi was silent. I closed my eyes and my head turned away from him. I was waiting for the rejection, the disgust. Lavi wouldn't love me back, he had girl after girl lined up, waiting to date him. Why would he choose me when he had that? Lavi's silence was beginning to unnerve me. Why couldn't he just reject me and get it over with? Or was he too disgusted to speak to me?

"Allen," Lavi breathed out as his hand came up from behind my head, pulling me closer. Our lips met in a gentle kiss, but soon arms where around the other, trying to get closer, and closer in a fiery kiss that left us both panting when the need for oxygen became too much.

"I've waited so long to hear those words from you," Lavi whispered between pants, "it seemed so much like a dream at first, that I didn't know what to do."

"And when you realized it was reality?" I asked in a soft voice.

Lavi wicked at me and rested his hand on my hip. "I followed my instincts." Needless to say, my face turned as red as a tomato as Lavi stared Loving down at me. "Want to come to my place?" he dangled his car keys in my face for emphasis.

I nodded, still blushing and Lavi helped me to my feet. We wrote a note for Lenalee and headed for his car. We got in and buckled up, but Lavi turned to me before backing out. "Hey, Allen?"

"Yes?" I asked.

"I love you."

I smiled happily at him and leaned I n for another kiss. "I love you, too."

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**My LORD typing this killed my back!! D= I think I screwed up the tenses when I transferred the story over from my notebook. Whoops…..**

**Anyways, PLEASE REVIEW!!! CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM IS STILL WANTED!!**

**Chapter 3:**

**Lavi reflects on how he feels about Allen after their battle with Road.**

**PLEASE STAY TUNED!! Love for you all~! XD**


	3. Light

**Thank you all for the love and support!! I didn't think I'd be getting this much of a reaction yet. XD well, a lot of people favorited the story, but still not many reviews. Can we get some please? ^^; it would make me feel great and I'd probably upload faster! XD**

**Chapter rating:**** T/K+ (nothing really happens *tear*)**

**Chapter summary:**** Allen's been gone for a while now. What if the Asian Branch can't help him?**

**Chapter genera: ****slight angst (it only makes you wanna hug Lavi even MORE!! XD;;)**

**Disclaimer:**** © Hoshino Katsura for -Man**

**_____________________________________________________________________________________**

**Chapter 3: Light**

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There was so much blood where we found him. Lenalee cried upon seeing it and realizing Allen was there. I'd never seen a golem appear sad, but Timcampy was. I couldn't blame him though; Allen was him temporary master, after all. Then I found that card. The ordinary ace of spades with a bat type print on it. It was obviously Allen's and I should've given it to Bookman r someone, but I kept it for myself. And I didn't know why either.

Back on the ship, I hadn't meant to be so cruel to Lenalee. She was just worrying about Allen, but I couldn't help it. She was doing what Allen always did and shouldered the blame. She knew it wasn't her fault that Allen was hurt, but she blamed herself anyways.

I guess I was just envious of her. She cared about Allen as much as I did, but she was the one who was able to blame herself for what happened. I couldn't. if I showed any signs of attachment, there was a bigger chance that Gramps would've decided to leave the order. I didn't want to leave Allen yet. But I also didn't want to have to hide the fact that I really cared for him.

Alone on the deck, I reflected over the old man's words.

_Don't get taken in by the war._

_You are the successor of "Bookman" and nothing else._

_Haven't I taught you to be nothing more than an onlooker, regardless of the situation?_

_We are not their allies._

_We are only on the order's side "by chance."_

_We are only involved in order to record history._

_Bookmen have no need for a heart._

His words stirred something inside of me. I didn't want to be an onlooker. I wanted to be on the battle field, supporting my friends at the order with all my strength. Seeing Allen get hurt by Tykki through Tim's memories really shook me. As his eyes began to dim, I felt my heart break in two. What was once such a lovely face, was covered in blood and the kiss of death. All life had drained from him and I could see all the agony he was feeling just from watching his eyes.

When Wong told us they rescued him, I was so relieved, but then it dawned on me: I wouldn't be able to see him. His innocence was destroyed so he was no longer an exercist. I too, wished for nothing more but to see for myself how he was, but once again, I was prevent from showing any sign of relief to the news.

That was something I never wanted to have happen to me again. To lose something so precious…I was determined for it not to happen. I would go onto the battle field and support Allen, keeping him safe from harm.

But, why did I feel that way? He was just a friend, nothing more. Or was he? I couldn't help but consider that maybe I did have feelings for him. Looking back on it, I couldn't help but to notice every feature about him. The slight curve of his hips, the way he smiled so brightly at me when I wasn't annoying him, even the way he yelled at me. He always captivated me, drawing me in to get a better look. It made sense to consider that.

Before meeting Allen, my life was dull and dark. Gramps and I traveled from one place to another, recording war after war after war. My name changed, along with my personality and we had a rehearsed play of some sorts. We always did the same thing, but since Allen showed up at the order, things began to change. I became attached to Allen and the people around me and it made me reconsider the way I viewed humans.

Never before had there been someone such as Allen. He saw all life as "precious" and he was so innocent as well. It made me laugh at the time when I thought about the "innocent" exorcist who possessed as "innocence." but, he just seemed to radiate goodness. He was light.

Then, it dawned on me. Allen couldn't die; he wouldn't die. I wouldn't allow it. He was the light that illuminated my dark tunnel so that I could see. He saved me.

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**D'aaaaaaw! Now isn't that cute? I came up with it by myself. Lolz D**

**Sorry it's so short, but it's a reflection chapter and they'll be shorter than the ones with an actual plot. Sorry again. ^^;**

**I'll upload Chapter 4 faster with the more reviews I get! =D**

**Chapter 4:**

**A strong storm knocks out all the power at Lavi's house when Allen sleeps over.**

**PLEASE REVIEW!!! =D**


	4. Dark

Okay people, sorry for the delay!! I was at my mom's house for a week and I have no computer access there. ^^;

I'd like to thank Aion Laven Walker (always a great supporter), Evanescent Silence, xNorix, WrathofMugen, and ranmyaku-neko for their wonderful reviews last chapter. Arigato you guys! XD

Chapter summary: When Allen goes to spend the weekend at Lavi's, a strong storm knocks the power out on the first night. AU

Chapter rating: PG-13/ R (boys kissing, hinted sex…..the works. =w=)

Disclaimer: © Hoshino Katsura for -Man

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Chapter 4: Dark

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"**Thank you again for allowing Allen to stay with you this weekend," Mana Walker thanked from the inside of his running car.**

"**It's no problem at all, Mr. Walker. Allen and I don't get to hang out enough anyways," Lavi responded while flinging his arm around his best friend's neck.**

"**Are you sure your parents don't mind?" Mana asked.**

**Lavi nodded. "They're on a business trip, so they were happy that I was getting some company this week. So, don't worry about putting me out, okay?" Lavi flashed Mana a thumbs up in encouragement.**

"**Here's some money for pizza, or something," Mana said as he passed Lavi a twenty dollar bill, "I'll see you on Monday, Allen. Love you!"**

**Mana started backing up and Allen waved while calling back, "Love you, too, Dad." When Mana's car was out of sight, Lavi helped Allen with his bags and they went inside.**

**_____________________________________________________________________________________**

"**What do you like on your pizza, Allen?" Lavi asked as he searched his kitchen drawer for the menu with the pizza place's number on it.**

"**That's a stupid question. Anything that's edible I'll eat," Allen replied while he played with a yo-yo that was laying about.**

"**Oh **_**right**_**. I must've **_**forgotten**_** about your sickening appetite." Lavi and Allen joined him.**

"**Hey, it maybe **_**sickening**_** but at least I haven't gained much weight from it."**

"**You must have a fast metabolism because your like almost anorexic skinny."**

"**Am not!"**

"**Well, either way, it's gonna catch up with you in the future."**

"**I feel like I'm getting a lecture from Mana."**

"**Is that so?"**

"**Yes. Is he paying you to lecture me?"**

"**Pfft!! What would give you that idea? Silly moyashi."**

"**Oh, I don't know. I must be just thinking crazily. Gosh, silly me, you're right Lavi."**

"**You're laying the sarcasm on pretty hard there, Allen."**

"**Well, I was worried you wouldn't pick up on it unless I did."**

"**Ouch, that hurts."**

"**Good." Allen laughed and turned his attention to the window above Lavi's head. The clouds were dark and menacing. It gave him an uneasy feeling as he watched them swirl around like that. Off in the distance, part of the clouds lit up and a low rumble could be heard.**

**The thunder was loud enough that Lavi heard it, so he looked at the window then back at Allen. "You gonna be okay?" He asked.**

**Allen turned his head to him and asked, "Huh?"**

"**I asked if you were gonna be okay. I know you're not big on thunderstorms." he stood up and held the phone up to his ear as he waited for the pizza place to pick up.**

"**Yeah," Allen replied softly as if he wasn't sure it was the truth, "I'll be fine."**

**Lavi nodded then began talking into the phone. Allen walked over to the couch and sat down. Lavi had started a fire soon after he arrived and it was blazing strongly. Somehow, it helped to calm his nerves as he continued to hear the thunder for him to look into the fire. He heard Lavi shuffling around and putting things down, but he didn't bother to notice. He just stared into the fire, looking at all the colors it gave off and how it looked when it popped and crackled.**

"**Oh yeah, you're doing great." Lavi sat next to him, resting his arm on the cushions behind Allen's head.**

**Allen looked up at him. "I told you, I'm fin-" Allen was cut off as he flinched as a particularly loud thunder shook the house.**

**Lavi rubbed Allen's back with his left hand as he reached over and place a lighter on the coffee table. He was about to speak when everything when black. "The power's out," Lavi observed, none too surprised.**

**Allen looked opened his tightly shut eyes only to see the room wasn't dark. He looked around to see about fifty lit candles around the room, plus the light from the fire was bright. "You put out candles?" Allen asked.**

"**Yeah, I figured that the storm would knock out the power. It looked kinda nasty."**

"**Gee, thanks for the words of encouragement."**

**Lavi chuckled and pulled Allen to his chest. "Don't worry, I'm here with you, just like always."**

**Allen smiled and snuggled up to Lavi - his lover. They always had to pull the "just best friends" act around everyone, but when they were alone, they were lovers. "The candles are a nice touch. Kinda romantic."**

"**Just kinda? I was hoping to set the mood and give us some light at the same time. Multitasking, my little moyashi." Lavi kissed his forehead and they laid side by side on the couch, staring into each other's eyes.**

**Lavi pressed his lips to Allen's in a gentle kiss, and it made Allen smile. "Are you trying to distract me, Lavi?" Allen asked as he flinched slightly as another thunder shook the house.**

"_**No**_**. this would be distracting you," Lavi clarified and he began necking his over and removing his shirt while rubbing every patch of skin he touched in a suggestive way.**

**Allen gasped and replied a bit breathlessly, "Ah…I see the difference…"**

**_____________________________________________________________________________________**

**Allen and Lavi had migrated to the floor in front of the fire and their clothes were scattered around the room. Both were panting and sweaty as tried to catch their breaths. Allen cuddled up to Lavi chest and sighed happily. It had been a while since they had a moment like that; holding each other after they made love.**

"**Hey Lavi," Allen called out in a whisper.**

"**Hmm?" Lavi replied.**

"**I love you," Allen declared.**

**Lavi smiled and kissed Allen forehead as he tightened his grip around the boy. "I love you more." Allen just laughed, too exhausted to playfully argue about who loved who more.**

**They were both silent for a while. Both listened to the crackling of the fire and the loud pattering of the rain on the roof and windows. They pizza guy came, but bother were a little too **_**intimate**_** at that moment to care about getting up and getting it. So the pizza went unclaimed. Allen noted in his head that it was a shame that the pizza was wasted, but the delivery guy most likely ate it.**

"**Hey, Lavi?" Allen whispered again.**

"**Yes Allen?" Lavi asked as he continued to stroke Allen's spine with his fingers.**

"**I like the dark now."**

**Lavi chuckled and kissed Allen's shoulder. "When you're with me, or in general?"**

"**Only with you."**

**Lavi chuckled. "Yes, only with you, too."**

**_____________________________________________________________________________________**

**Well, this chapter was kind of FAIL when it comes to length. And I cut out the sex scene because I didn't FEEL like writing it. XD lolz sorry fan girls, but none for you this time. XD**

**But yeah, this is just kinda fail. ^^; Maybe it's because I wanted to hurry so I could finish typing chapter 5!! =D (me likes that chapter)**

**PLEASE COMMENT!! XD**

**Chapter 5 summary:**

**When Allen is sick and looking for a quiet place to rest, interesting things happen. **


	5. Seeking Solace

**Okay, so here's chapter 5 for all of you. =3**

**Chapter summary: ****When Allen goes looking for a peaceful place to take a nap and finds Lavi, interesting things happen.**

**Chapter rating:**** P-13 (pathetic make-out scene. XD;;)**

**Disclaimer:**** © Hoshino Katsura own -Man**

**_____________________________________________________________________________________**

**Chapter 5: Seeking Solace**

**_____________________________________________________________________________________**

My head hurt. Everywhere I went there was noise. The cafeteria was the worst since everyone was there eating. Even Link seemed loud at the moment, and, of course, having the Asian Branch at headquarters didn't help much either.

A throbbing pain ran through my temple, causing me to stop in the middle of the hallway and rub my eyeballs. And my tiredness and nausea caught up with me at that moment as well.

"Walker," Link called out, "you feel alright?"

I nodded and sat with my back up against the wall. "Never better," I mumbled back coldly. I really shouldn't be so cruel to him; he was only doing his job. And he didn't want to be around me as much as I didn't. so were on equal footing. And, I suppose Link was a pretty good guy and I'd probably be friends with him if he wasn't accusing me of being the enemy.

No matter what anyone said, I was _not_ the 14th.

Sitting silently in the hallway was nice at first. I turned my head so my cheek was resting on the cold stone wall and it was my own personal paradise. _Temporary_ personal paradise. With the lunch rush coming to an end, the hallways began to flood with people going back to work. My once silent corridor was crowded and noisy. With all the loud chitter-chatter going on, I was once again rubbing my eyeballs in an attempt to lessen my pain. Why I even got out of bed that morning, I will never know.

I stood up, brushed myself off, then trudged onwards. I walked in the direction of the science division, but I heard how loud it was a few hallways down. I changed directions. I thought about relaxing in Komui's office, but he was giving a mission debriefing to Miranda and Krory. I walked past his door and rubbed my eyeballs again. I was glad I didn't have a mission to go on with the condition I was in.

I took into consideration going to the training room, but I had the sinking feeling Kanda was there. In order to avoid a argument with him, the training room was over looked. And then, I knew exactly where to go and I wondered why I hadn't thought of it earlier.

"Walker?" Link asked, startled by my sudden turn down a hallway.

"Bathroom," I mumbled as Link struggled to keep up with me.

I power walked into the closets stall to the door and played with the toilet paper roll until Link decided to "do his business" in the stall next to me. I unlatched the stall and made a run for it. I could hear Link holler my name angrily, but I ignored it like usual. I hid in the broom closet directly across from the bathroom and waited. It was only a matter of minutes before the bathroom door swung open and Links angry footsteps charged down the hall. I was home free.

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The Library was such a wonderful place. It was quiet and no one hung out there. Technically, the library was primarily there for Bookman and Lavi, and for the Science department to have research books. But what did I care? I was just an adolescent boy seeking solace. All I needed was a good book and a chair for me to hang out in while I hid from Link.

When I walked into the library, it was like a breath of fresh air. "Fresh air" was actual kind of pushing it, since the smell was dust and the rotting pages of old books; and it was really stuffy in there. But, that wonderful library smell was what cured my horrible headache. I turned my head from side-to-side and there was no painful throbbing. Yay library!

I sighed happily as I shut the door behind me. There was a couch in the darkest corner of the library, and I turned to walk towards it. What was nice about it - besides it being dark - was that you couldn't see it from the door. So, if Link decided to check there, he'd glance around quickly, not see me, then walk back out and search elsewhere.

I ran my fingers along the books on a shelf. The binding was tattered and falling apart on some while others were in pretty good shape. There were fantasies, science fiction, biographies, text books, and any other book genera known to man. So many tale resided in that room - both real and unreal - that it was just interesting to think if people would someday be writing about the events of the war they were in.

"Looking for a book, _Moyashi_?" called out a playful voice.

I jumped because I had though I was alone, but then I just got annoyed. "My name's _Allen_, Lavi," I replied, crossing my arms.

Lavi chuckled from his chair at the table. He made a gesture for me to sit next to him and I thought about walking off into my dark corner so I could nap. But, Lavi was my friend an that would've been rude, so I sat next to him. Another reason was that the chairs we were sitting in were just barely being blocked out of view of the door by a bookshelf.

"What are you working on now?" I asked as I motioned to all the papers on the table.

"Ah, just Bookman stuff," Lavi sighed, "I really hate paperwork."

"So why do you do it?"

Lavi leaned back in his chair and stretched. "'Cause Gramps says it's part of my training. I don't see that old panda doing paperwork though…"

Lavi pouted and I laughed. He looked so cute, like a kid, when he pouted. It also seemed awfully out-of-character for him to do so.

"Don't laugh! It's not funny," Lavi said but I could tell he was having a hard time keeping his goofy grin off of his face.

"What are you doing here anyways? Hiding from Two-Spots again?" Lavi asked.

I shrugged. "Kinda sorta."

"'Kinda sorta?'"

I nodded. "yeah. I'm hiding from him here, but I also wanted to take a nap."

"You're _still_ tired?"

"Well, yeah, since I didn't sleep well last night."

"Really?"

"You sound surprised."

"Do I?"

"Yes. Why?"

"'Why' what?"

"Why did you sound surprised?"

"I sounded surprised?"

"Yes."

"You sure?"

"I believe we already went through this."

"Did we?"

"Yes."

"Is that so?"

"You're messing with me, aren't you?"

"_Of course not_. Why would you think that?"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"You could sleep through the end of the world and the creation of a new one."

"Oh sure, _now_ you answer my earlier question."

"You sick or something?"

"What?"

"Are you sick?"

"Why?"

"Do I need a reason?"

"Yes."

"'Yes'? Well, then because I'm concerned."

"Why?"

"'_Why_?'"

"Yes, that's what I said. _Why_?"

"_You're_ messing with me now, aren't you?"

"Of course not."

"Is that so?"

"I believe it is."

Our childish little banter would've continued longer, but an annoying voice caught our attention. "WALKER!!" it yelled and Lavi and I exchanged glances before bolting to the back of the room.

"Walker!" Link hollered as he stomped into the library. We sat in the dark corner on the couch, hoping Link would just leave, but no suck luck. We heard him begin walking between rows of shelves.

"Walker, I know you're in here and the Bookman Jr. is too.!"

Lavi and I exchanged another glance before getting off the couch. There was a second floor to the library that people rarely even knew about because it was a storage room. The only way to get up there was by a crappy wooden ladder we had to take out of the corner and place in front of it. Lavi went up first so he could open the door and I watched for Link. His footsteps began to get louder and louder, so I began to worry he would find me. Lavi motioned to me and I began to climb up the ladder. Once at the top, we saw Link wander into the area we were just in (and he didn't even notice the ladder!) as we closed the tiny door.

"That was close, huh?" Lavi whispered as he scratched the back of his neck.

I nodded and sighed in relief.

The storage room was very much like an attic. The foundation was sticking up and the ceiling was slanted, but not too low. There was a thick layer of dust on everything and spider webs as far as the eye could see. At the very back, the wall was made of large windows which gave off the only source of light.

"Well isn't it lovely up here?" Lavi asked, his voice at a normal pitch since we heard Link leave the library.

"Oh _yeah_, just _gorgeous_!" I agreed with heavy sarcasm.

Lavi laughed and patted my shoulder. "Hey, let's look around a bit."

"What?!" the thought of looking through dust and cobwebs didn't seem too pleasing to me.

"Yeah, maybe we'll find something interesting up here!"

"Lavi, I don't think-" "You scared?" Lavi asked with slight mockery in his voice.

I blinked. "Scared?"

"Yeah, are you chicken?"

"Well, no it just don't-" "Then what's the problem?"

I sighed and shook my head in defeat. Lavi laughed and began to explore through the boxes and filth, while I dragged my feet to keep up.

"There's a couch up here."

I looked in the direction of Lavi's voice because didn't catch what he said.

"I _said_, there's a couch up here," Lavi repeated a bit louder.

I began walking in his direction, wondering why there would be a couch up there. Maybe there was something wrong with it? Or, maybe it was just forgotten. I paused when I saw it. That one spot by the couch was completely spotless. There were a couple of partially melted candles and some books that were resting on the oak wood coffee table in front of it.

"Maybe it's someone's secret reading spot?" I suggested.

"Lavi tapped his chin then shrugged. "Maybe," he agreed, "but I wont complain." he plopped down on the couch with a content sigh.

"Lavi!"

"Relax, Allen. It's comfortable," Lavi said, patting the seat next to him for me to sit.

I sighed and plopped down besides him. Through the windows we could see all the different colors reflect in the sky as twilight descended upon us. All the yellows, reds, pink, and blues blended into a sight that looked like something from a painting. So very unreal that it was beautiful.

Lavi wrapped his arm around my neck, pulling me closer as he excitedly pointed out the window. "Look, look! Do you see it, Allen?" Lavi asked.

"See what?" I replied.

"That, right there!"

I squinted and strained my eyes to take in every detail of the outside world, but it was just to dark; I couldn't see anything out there.

"I can't see anything, La-" I was cut off as I turned my head and Lavi's lips pressed to mine. I froze and stared wide eyed at Lavi, my best friend, of whom was kissing me. His eyes were closed and I could feel one hand on my neck and the other resting on my hip. My heat was beating painfully fast, and didn't know if it was from the shock of the fact that I was enjoying the kiss.

Eventually, I relaxed into his embrace and began to shyly kiss back. I even got enough courage to wrap my arms around his neck. We kissed for a long time, only pausing to breath. Eventually, it ended up with Lavi laying on top of me and my head resting on one of the throw pillows.

"Lavi," I whispered breathlessly as he kissed my neck.

"Mmm?" Lavi mumbled into my collar bone.

"What did you see outside before?"

I felt Lavi's body quake from his low chuckle and he sat up just enough so he could look me in the eye.

"Absolutely nothing."

"Nothing? Then why did you do that?"

"So I could kiss you."

It was my turn to laugh. "Your logic makes no sense, Lavi."

Lavi shrugged and went back to trying to leave a mark on my neck.

"You know, I think I found the solace I was looking for," I said as I tightened my grip around Lavi's neck.

"Does this 'solace' include me?" Lavi propped himself up on his elbow to look down at me.

I chuckled softly. "Of course it does." I pushed myself up and kissed him in the light of the dimming twilight.

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**Well, sorry this wasn't out on Wednesday like I said it would be. XD;; oh, and sorry for any grammar mistakes I made. -w-;;**

**What did you guys think of Lavi and Allen's little "banter" they had? XD it was fun to write.**

**As always, please Leave comments!**

**Chapter 6:**** Lavi attempts to break away from his friends at the order so he doesn't fail as Bookman Jr.**


	6. Breaking Away

**Hmm….It's been awhile, huh? XD sorry about that. ^^; I'll try to do some more uploading this week (whoo spring break!) but, don't expect anymore than two chapters. I'm supposed to go to my mom's on Friday, but I'm going on Thursday now since my Dad's going hunting. So I have one less day to work with. ^^;**

**Chapter summary:**** Lavi attempts to break away from Allen in order to succeed as a Bookman.**

**Chapter rating:**** PG-13?? (boys kissing, flash back to SEXUAL INTERCOURSE - lolz fun word- but nothing too severe. And swears. I'll probably put swears in here.**

**Disclaimer:**** © Hoshino Katsura own -Man and it's characters. Along with Funimation and TV Tokyo.**

**_____________________________________________________________________________________**

**Chapter 6: Breaking Away**

**_____________________________________________________________________________________**

"Lavi," Bookman called out from behind his desk. I glanced back at the geezer with mild interest. He was probably just going to scold me about something pointless again.

"Yeah Gramps?" I replied like a good apprentice.

"Do you realize that before we came here, I only had to remind you to not get attached forty-eight times? That one reminder per allies." The old man scribbled some stuff down on paper then got a new sheet.

"Well, yeah, but why is that important?" I didn't like were he was going with the conversation.

"And now, on your forty-_ninth_ allies, I've had to remind you many times. What is that telling me, do you think?" he asked.

"That, I'm getting too attached?" There was no possible way that that lecture was because he found out. That would be impossible. We put forth all of our energy to keeping it a secret between the two of us.

"Yes, but why are you getting too attached?"

Shrugging my shoulders would only make him suspicious, so I replied with, "'Cause I'm making friends here?"

"Yes." I was relieved that the lecture was just about having friends. It quelled a lot of my worry.

"Well, then I'm sorry. But trust me, I'll be just fine when we leave," I tried to encourage. It was a lie; a big, fat, pathetic lie because I knew that a part of me would die if I ever left the order. I was way too attached here, and it was all because of him.

His silky smooth white hair, fair skin, loving eyes and a smile that made me melt inside. Allen Walker, the person I loved most in the world, was my reason for not being able to leave in one piece. When we first confessed to each other, it was awkward. Neither of us knew what to say or do. It must've been amusing for other people (if there were any watching, which we made sure there wasn't), since I'm usually so confident in what I do. Allen pointed out to me many times that he thought I would've made the first move and done it confidently, not the way it actually happened. Both of us were burning bright red and neither had any idea on what to say or do.

"_It's not often you want to talk to me in private. What is this all about, Lavi?" Allen asked. Even in the dim light of the evening sun shining through my bedroom window, I could tell his cheeks were already a pink color._

"_Yeah, about that…" I mumbled softly to myself. I had so much confidence earlier when I found Allen and brought him to my room, but it was quickly depleting._

"_Yes?" Allen fiddled with the hem of his shirt and looked down at the ground._

_I scratched my neck and I felt my face heat up as I tried to think of a coherent way to form my sentence. I never had any troubles being around Allen, even when I was aware of my feelings, but get him alone for one moment and I was a nervous wreck._

"_Um, Allen, I like-" "Me two." I looked up at him with startled eyes. His face was a bright red now probably matching the color on my face._

"_I…like you too Lavi…" Allen said softly, as if he was unsure that that was _exactly_ what I was going to say._

"_Really? Well, how did you, I mean that's great!" I laughed nervously as a tired to say a million things at once. I felt awkward at the fact that I felt so awkward, and I knew Allen was feeling the same thing. We used to flow so perfectly together, the best of friends. But, I guess we were new at the whole "liking someone" thing. Well, maybe Allen was, but I wasn't. I had my fair share of crushes growing up, but I never felt quite this strongly about someone. Maybe it's because Allen was already very dear to me?_

_I took a step forward and our bodies where very close together. Allen looked up at me with rosy cheeks and beautiful blue-gray eyes. Slowly, our lips got closer and closer to each other until they met in a shy, gentle first kiss._

I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling, deep in though. Allen was on another mission without me, so naturally I was worried; but that wasn't the only reason either. I could feeling it deep insides me, somewhere in my now active heart that I was failing as a Bookman. It made me feel scared that because of the way I felt for Allen, I was drifting farther and farther away from what I lived for. To be able to record history from an unbiased view and to be able to know things that other people don't - that was what a Bookman was to me. And I was losing it.

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"Lavi," called out a soft voice as the door creaked open. Allen poked his head in and looked around my clustered room, probably making sure I was alone before saying something.

"I'm here, Allen," I replied, propping myself up on my elbows with a smile on my face.

Allen returned that smile before locking the door behind him as he came in. he stumbled his way around my piles of books then fell onto the bed besides me. "Lavi, you seriously need to clean this room up a bit," Allen scolded with amusement in his vice.

"What? Why would I do that when I can _gracefully_ make my way from the door to the bed in pitch black?" I nudged him with my elbow in a playful manor.

"Well, _you_ might be able to, but _others_ can't. Seriously though, this has to be the most unorganized room in the order -_NOT_ including Komui's office."

I placed my hand over my heart and my face lit up into an expression of mock horror. "_Unorganized_?! _Everything_ in here is organized in it's own special way."

"Really?"

"Really. I can find stuff….sometimes." Allen laughed and I joined in. It was true, I _really_ needed to clean my room, but I was just making up lame excuses not to because I was lazy.

I rolled over and wrapped my arms around Allen's back, pulling him closer to me. I breathed in his scent and sighed happily. His hair smelt like soap, so he must've taken a shower earlier that day. I didn't see any bandages from underneath his cloths, but I could _easily_ think of an excuse to get his cloths off for a further examination.

"Welcome back, Allen," I whispered into his ear.

Allen cuddled up to my chest and gave my color bone a kiss. "It's good to be back Lavi," Allen replied, "I missed you a lot."

"I missed you more." even though I was scared about what was happening to me, I could lie about what I felt. I _did_ love Allen and I knew the feeling would never leave, no matter how hard I tried to block it from me.

That's what I was going to do. I would block my feelings for Allen from myself, driving him away. Then he can be happy with someone else and I could concentrate on being a Bookman. In a sense, I was going to break up with Allen for no really good reason at all. I knew why Gramps told me not to get attached, and that was to avoid situations like that one, where when I finally left the order it wouldn't be so painful for me.

But that night was good bye, in a sense. When we made love in the darkness of my bedroom, I tried to take in every detail of him: the way he looked, the way he felt, how he sounded, and inscribe them into my memory. I would never forget my one and only love in this world, even if I was breaking away from him for a selfish reason.

"I love you," I whispered as we held each other.

"I love you more," Allen whispered back. He was happy to finally see me again after his mission and so was I. No matter how much I yearned to touch him, I had to stay away. No matter how much I wished to reach out and stroke his fair skin, I was to quell the feeling. I was not to feel love for him, even though I wanted to more than anything in my life. I was not to want him, even though I did.

So many things not to do…was there anything I _can_ do?

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A few months have passed and Allen and I are no longer together. We act like friends still to keep everyone else's suspicions don, but it's not true. Our fake laughs and smiles are so well rehearsed that even Lenalee, perceptive as she is, cannot sense our pain. Allen is unhappy, I am unhappy, but there is good for us. Allen can concentrate on being an exorcist and I can concentrate on being a good Bookman apprentice.

He was with me in the library that moment. He was upset that he let a finder die on his latest mission. I reached out and my fingers just barely brushed his cheek before I jerked them away. I had almost slipped up and revealed that I was lying to him. He already figured that out though, but I didn't want to give him proof.

He looked up at me with desperate yearning in his eyes and I almost broke into pieces. I knew that my defense was weakening since I could feel the emotion showing on my face, but I couldn't do it. No matter how much I loved him, I couldn't let him get dragged down with me. It would've been harder for the both of us if we stayed together and I had to leave. He would find love again - Allen was just that kind of person - but I would forever be stuck behind the shadow of my only true love.

I looked away from Allen's pleading look and studied my paper. "I have work to get done. Lenalee will be of better help to you," I explained. My voice cracked ever-so-slightly, and I knew that Allen heard it. He understood my game.

"Lavi," I braced myself as my heart yearned to hear Allen call out my name happily, "why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?" I replied.

"Pushing me away. Why are you hiding from your feelings?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. I am Bookman Jr, and I have no feelings."

Allen sighed and stood up from his chair. "I figured it had something to do with you being a Bookman. Just tell me one thing."

"I'll do my best."

"Did you or did you not mean it when you told me I that you loved me?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I… never meant any of it…" my voice quivered as I balled my fists. I was losing it. I could once again feel my defenses falling and all I really wanted to do was cry in frustration.

I was never one for crying, but keeping my feelings from Allen, and saying hurtful things to him was breaking me down. Only my love for Allen himself kept me from grabbing him and never letting go. I needed to leave to order, or at least avoid Allen. I had to try something. Anything, just to make this work.

Allen would find happiness. He would also find love again.

I would become Bookman when Gramps allowed me to. I would've accomplished my dream.

To reach that, I have to break away.

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**Hmm….sorry for the quickie here, but I was running out of stuff to say that made sense. XD *is shot***

**PLEASE LEAVE ME COMMENTS!! **

**CHAPTER 7 SHOULD BE UP BY THURSDAY!!!**

**I can't remember the chapter summary for 7, so you'll have to without this time. ^^;**

**Next chapter: innocence**


	7. Heaven

**THIS IS A **_**REWRITE **_**WITH ANEW ENDING!! READ THAT AND THE DESCRIPTION AT THE END PLEASE!!!!!**

**Summary:**** Angles come from Heaven and Demons from hell. (OMG fail summary! D=)**

**Chapter rating:**** G/PG (bedtime story! XD;;)**

**Disclaimer:**** © Hoshino Katsura, TV Tokyo, and Funimation.**

**_____________________________________________________________________________________**

**Chapter 7: Heaven**

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"A bed time story?" a man asked as he stood up.

"Yes. So I can sleep," explained the child who had just been tucked into bed.

the man sat down in the chair next to the child's bed and smiled. "What story would you like to hear tonight?" he asked, stroking the child's hair.

The child sat up and pulled out her angle pendent from under her nightgown. "I wanna here the one about angles." she stroked the pendent's wings then looked up at her father.

The father smiled again and shook his head. "Fine," he agreed, "there once was a little boy, who was the purest of all angles…"

That angle's name was Allen walker. His wings were as white as snow, the same as his hair, and his eyes glistened in the sun when he smiled. He was the embodiment of pureness. Allen was the Lord's most prized angle. He had the ability to purify the hearts of others, and God found that to be a very wonderful gift. So, Allen went out to purify the people on earth and protect all the life.

One day, allen was wandering about in a woods on earth when he came upon something. There was a beautiful field of flowers that were untouched by man. The sight was so beautiful and allen began to walk through it while singing a little tune.

_Then the boy falls asleep_

_The flame inside the breathing ashes,_

_And one by one_

_Many dear profiles appear_

_Thousands of dreams_

_Drop to Earth_

_On the night when the silver eyes flicker,_

_The shining you is born_

_Even though countless prayers are_

_Returned to Earth by the passing Millions of years_

_I will continue to pray_

_Love for the last_

_Kiss for the joined hands_

There was a rustle in the bush, and Allen stopped his song. A figure appeared from the bushes, tall, dark, and raggedy looking. The figure had bright red hair and one visible, beautiful green eye. He had wings like Allen's, but they were as black as the night sky. Allen jumped into a fighting stance when he realized that the figure was a demon. The demon looked at Allen then looked around the field in a bored manor. He put his hands in his pocket and began walking through the flowers.

"Don't hurt the flowers!" Allen demanded. The demon stopped and looked surprised as he glanced back at Allen.

"The flowers?" he questioned, tilting his head to the side.

"Yes. The flowers." The demon looked him up and down then moved to sit on a near by rock.

"You're a strange one. Shouldn't you be more worried about yourself, like a normal angle would?" the demon asked as he rested his chin on his hand.

Allen watched the demon carefully. He had learned from experience that demon's were tricky creatures that were never to be taken for granite. Countless amounts of angles have been captured by them, never to be heard from again. Allen had a few close encounters with demons, but he always managed to get away.

"I'm not like other angels."

The demon sat up straighter and looked allen in the eyes. "No. You're not. What is that?"

"I have a special ability. I could cleanse your heart and take away everything that makes you a demon, if I wanted to." allen was trying to scare the demon off. Normal demons wish to stay as they are and hate everything that's pure, so the treat of losing that should scare them off. But it didn't seem to affect that demon in the correct way.

The demon jumped up and was a few feet in front of Allen in a split second. He looked anxious and had a pleading look in his eye. "Is that true? Could you really purify me?" he asked, griping Allen by the shoulders.

Allen looked up at the demon in shock. Not only was this demon abnormally fast, but he wasn't afraid of Allen's power; it was almost as if he _wanted_ to be purified. Allen nodded his head slowly, unable to speak.

The demon's face relaxed into a sigh of relief. "Thank god….thank god…" he whispered softly to himself.

"I don't understand. You're not like other demons, either."

The demon smiled at Allen in a sad way. "I'm not a demon, or at least I don't consider myself one."

Allen watched the demon as he turned and began walking again. "What do you mean?"

"Have you all figured out what the demons do with the angels, yet?" Allen shook his head no. "When a demon captures and angel, the take it down to hell. There, the pluck each feather from their white wings, and they turn black. Before long, the feathers have grown back, but are no longer white. When that happens, the angel goes through a personality change. They are jealous of all things pure and grow to hate them. Demons are just altered angels. But, one the angel is altered, it's very rare that they remember the process at all."

"So, you were once an angel?" Allen asked, overwhelmed by the truth.

"Yes. My name was Lavi Bookman, and I was once just like you."

"Lavi," Allen repeated and Lavi nodded, "so, how do you remember all of this?"

Lavi smiled slightly and pointed to his left wing. "See this?"

Allen looked and gasped in amazement. A demon's wings were supposed to be black, so Allen just made that connection and ignored what was really there. Lavi's white wing was a dark grey, meaning he was mostly demon, but still had some purity in him. "Amazing…I've never scene anything like this before!"

Lavi laughed and shook his head. "There's good reason for that. The devil doesn't trust those who are not 100% demon, so they are not allowed to leave. I thought that if I acted like a demon should, then he would allow me to leave and come to the surface. Then I could tell an angel about what was happening."

"And you want me to remove the demon from you, so you can be an angel again?" Allen asked.

"That's right." Lavi smile and walked back over to where Allen stood. "Could you do hat for me?"

Allen nodded and closed his eyes. He stood on his toes and grabbed the sides of Lavi's face, touching their foreheads together. Lavi quivered a little from the pain it caused him, but he sucked it up. Allen felt all of the darkness flowing out of Lavi and into him, where it would be purified and changed into energy for Allen. Once Lavi stopped shaking, Allen released his hold on Lavi.

"Lavi?" Allen asked as Lavi fell to his knees. "Lavi! Lavi, are you okay?"

Lavi's breath was raggedy, but he smiled weakly and looked up at Allen. "Thank you," he whispered before falling unconscious.

When Lavi awoke next, everything was white and warm. He was laying on something comfy and he realized that it wasn't the ground. He sat up and looked around. "Allen?" he called out. Allen's head poked in through an open door way and his face lit up.

"Lavi!" Allen called out happily and ran over. "I'm so happy you're okay! I was worried I did something wrong and hurt you! You are okay, right?"

Lavi looked at his wings. They were a vibrantly white, just like Allen's and he felt better than he had in a long time. He looked up at Allen with a smile. "Yes, yes I'm fine now. I owe you my life Allen. Thank you."

"No, thank you," Allen disagreed, "because of the information you gave us, the other angels are working on a way to purify the demons we encounter."

Lavi watched Allen as he talked on and on about their different strategies and methods they were coming up with and he couldn't help but think about how adorable he was. His gray-blue eyes were glistening and his smile warmed Lavi's heart. Never before had he ever seen a boy as lovely as Allen. Allen thought the exact same way, surprisingly.

Even as he spoke he glance over at Lavi took finally take a good look at the man. Lavi was well built, unlike Allen himself, and seemed to have a genuinely kind nature. Lavi's hair was a shocking red but it went alone well with the beautiful color of his eyes. To Allen, he had never been so attracted to a man in his life.

Many people on Earth believed that to be with someone of the same gender was wrong, but that was not how God though. The only wrong a person could do was if they stole or killed another.

Lavi and Allen were talking for a while at that time, and they were getting closer and closer with every word. It was almost as if by staring in each other's eyes, they knew exactly what the other was thinking. Soon, their faces were inches from each others.

"Lavi," Allen whispered, "welcome home."

Lavi smiled and replied, "It's good to be home."

Their lips met in on kiss, that became their own little heaven, inside of heaven.

"Father," the child called out as the father made his was t the door.

"Yes?" he asked, turning around with a smile on his face.

"Did that really happen?"

The father smiled, his green shining and his red hair tussled. "Of course it did."

"Who were the angles then?" she asked.

Sudden, a short male walked into the room with a smile also on his face. "You're still awake? Lavi, what have you been doing to keep her up? Not more of those stories you make up, I hope." Lavi shrugged and patted the white haired man's head.

"Allen, the stories aren't _lies_, exactly, they're _exaggerated_." Allen laughed and shook his head. He walked over to the little girl, kissed her forehead and said goodnight before leaving the room again.

"Father! That story was about you and Daddy!" she exclaimed happily.

Lavi laughed and whispered to her, "Daddy may not look like an angle, or think he is, but I see him as one."

The girl laughed as her adoptive father expressed his love for the other. "Sleep tight, kido," Lavi said before turning off the light and closing the door.

"Father and Daddy are angels from heaven," the girl mumbled before falling asleep.

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**Okay this was abnormally cheesy the second time too! XD lolz**

**I posted this chapter again because the ending sucked and I need help.**

**No idea what to write for he next chapter, **_**Innocence**_**, so any of you got any ideas? XD;;**

**I WOULD GREATLY APPRETIATE THE HELP! ^^;**


	8. Innocence

**Well, shit guys. I give up! DX this chapter hates me with the fiery passion of 1000 suns….**

**You get a nice little poem, but DO NOT BE ALARMED!!!! Chapter 9 will be epic win! I promise you that! 8D**

**I don't blame you if you skip this chapter. =w=;;**

**Disclaimer:**** © Hoshino Katsura and TV Tokyo**

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**Chapter 8: Innocence**

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A glowing substance

Pure as an innocent

White hair

Grey-blue eyes

The one chosen

To destroy our time.

Innocence,

Embodiment of God;

Cleanse this world

Of all that rots it

Slowly

With one sin at a time.

White hair

Grey-blue eyes.

Red hair

Green eyes.

Innocence

Exorcists.

Those who destroy

By the will of God.

Cleansers of evil.

Will they protect the world,

Or shall they be the fall of it?

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**Short, sweet, and to the point. This poem failedish. Well, I guess it could've been worse.**

**Hurray for my ability to write poems without rhymes! 8D -shot-**

**Next Chapter:**** Lavi's car gets trashed during a road trip. He's now stuck in a strange town with and interesting girl who acts a bit odd. Gender confusion. Allen is NOT a girl in the chapter. Lavi's just a dork face. XD;;**


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